deur Deon Botha

Die goue draad wat tans deur die preekreeks loop is die vraag: “Who am I becoming?”. Hierdie vraag is net so relevant wanneer dit by ons ouerskapstyl kom. Ek lees die volgende raak uit die boek “Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids” deur Dr. Scott Turansky en Joanne Miller:

“When parents say no, sometimes children choose to argue and plead their case. In the interaction parents can learn new information that persuades them to change their minds. Unfortunately during the dialogue children may treat parents with disrespect and be downright mean. Parents then must decide whether to change their mind or not.

Changing your mind isn’t always bad but you need to make a distinction for your child between the new information and the process of how you got it, “I would like to change my mind here, but I’m feeling uncomfortable with the way you’re talking to me. Your arguing is not helpful in our relationship and I don’t want to encourage it by changing my mind. You have a good point but your exasperated tone of voice is demanding and disrespectful.”

You may choose to stick to a no answer in spite of new and persuasive information. As a parent you’re not just making a decision based on information, but you’re also looking at how your child presents that information, and how this child treats you and your relationship in the process. After all, character is more important than the decision.”